Surrender Is Not Defeat

Why does Surrending feel so much like defeat? 

I recently had an interaction with a popular platform. They met with me and offered to give me a 20% discount for me to return to their platform. I agreed and I signed a contract. Since signing the contract there has been over a month of feeling like I have been  passed along to one person after another to resolve the billing issue with my discount. 

I knew that the Universe was telling me to let this platform go, I was meant for a different platform that would better suit the direction I’m heading, but the Taurus in me had to hold them to what they agreed. My ego completely took over and my justification of holding them accountable took over. 

Well, I wound up burning myself out exchanging energy with a hopeless situation that was never meant to work out. 

Why didn’t I just surrender and move on? Because that would be me having to just “lump” another thing in my life. 

After the last interaction with this company. One where I told them how hurt and unseen I felt by them, I left for my massage appointment feeling very hurt and embarrassed that such a deep seeded wound showed up when dealing with a  business who didn’t show any concern for how they were treating me. 

As most messages from Source do, my epiphany came from my masseuse who shared her version of surrendering is taking control by giving it to God. She doesn’t see it as just lying down and taking it, or what I unaffectionally call, “playing dead”. Choosing to surrender… in this case, choosing to place my energy and focus elsewhere is where my control is. I am not responsible for making sure they are taught a lesson about upholding their end of a deal. 

I am responsible for making sure a company who has repeatedly shown they lack any concern for me, doesn’t receive an ounce of energy from me…let alone the tears I have at this point shed. 

This reframing has brought up the many times in the past where  the Universe asked me to surrender and I forged ahead on my fruitless plight  until I was exhausted and completely had a complete “Jesus Take The Wheel” defeat. Every single time, I let go, immediately, what was waiting for me, shows up. 

Traditionally, while I’m in the shower washing my tears and desperation off my face and body.